Found on Wordpress MOM, WHY COULDN’T I LISTEN THEN?

MOM, WHY COULDN’T I LISTEN THEN?

When I remember growing up, I remember two distinct things. What my Mom told me, and what I did instead… make that three, the stupid situations I wound up in by doing that sort of thing, and how much it was not really anything I’d enjoy or want to be in. I had to learn the most impossibly difficult and painful way firsthand, for a time. I recall saying once to my mother, that I could or would not learn from others, that I was the sort who needed to learn everything firsthand, which didn’t work out well, though it lasted far longer than I wish it had. She’d sighed, and told me she really wished that wasn’t the case, and hoped maybe it’d no longer be the case. For the most part, it isn’t. Oddly, it was her words of simple wisdom on all sorts of topics, that I recall and pass along now, since I know very well the pain of what foolish ignorance of wisdom brings, or brought to me. Things like sportsmanship, and being a team player, or not being a team member any longer. I’d been in youth soccer for a time, but only learned that it isn’t whether I win or lose, but how I play the game that really matters. That afterward, we would shake hands and tell each member of the other team it was a good game, no matter what I actually felt it had been. After a game where we’d felt utterly stomped in, hard enough. But hardest to be respecting our opponents actually came when by some miracle, we’d been the ones stomping them. Oddly, no one likes a poor loser, but they won’t ever play with a poor winner again. At least I won’t, though often poor losers don’t play again by their choice. Also learned that it wasn’t a good feeling to cheat in any sense, not at all. When I care more about winning than playing well, and by the rules, all I am showing myself is that I shouldn’t be playing that game, since dishonest victory feels more like I’ve betrayed myself, and accepted I have no enjoyment or reason to play in the first place. And after I’d grown disinterested, and no longer wanted to be in youth soccer, I’d first shown it by my actions, like trying to stay on the playground equipment during a match, at the recreation park my team was playing at, in uniform. I’d tried this the second time, and was told either be part of my team, or tell them I wasn’t going to be back, and stop going. She was still going to, she was the adult who was coach or whatnot at the time, and she’d still gone for the team I wasn’t part of any longer. Felt disappointed in myself, but relieved of it at the same time.

Playing games now is no different. I play games to enjoy doing so, and don’t force myself to play in ways I won’t enjoy. Constantly, I hear about raiding, that optimal play is more important than having fun, but I disagree. If optimal play has a basis in fun at some level, it easily helps counter burnout, time investment, or any other reason that folks will just stop showing up, or will tear into others with blame.

Fun is essential to play, in an optimal way.
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